Petty

I was talking with a friend of mine. We decided most women we know, even at our age, can be so petty. What is the point? I mean, really. What is the fucking point?

Think Ill go for a walk outside....

...summer sun's callin my name...I hear it now...

Ha!
Its a good day.

I PASSED all my licensing classes for work, now im all legal and shit! Wohoo! I wont get fired! hahaa

Im ALSO getting a 4.0 in school right now, compared to the 2.0 of last semester Im pretty damn pumped!

ALSO Andrea is getting his tickets to come here on Sunday (so far, it changes every week now) and Im excited because I got a bonus at work to reserve the hotel for when I will go pick him up in Chicago!

This is all around a good day :)

Stubborn

Talking about what bothers me on my blog...no sorry...this specific situation...bothers A...now..tell me how this is any different than me being bothered by some things that go on with his blog?

Stubborn.

Plain and simply stubborn.

I could explain my point until I was blue in the face, and he would never EVER concede. Understanding and patient...yes...when he agrees. Stubborn as hell. Always.

What sucks is thats one of the things I love the most, so I cant even be super pissed off about it!!! Im screwed.....

Oh yeah, im also extremely stubborn...im guessing this wont be the last time we lock horns :)

I Remember December...

Ok...I HATE not knowing things. I HATE not being able to look into his eyes and know if its the truth or not. I HATE it.

Previous Blog....im a dork and made up a dumb story of a friend who blogs blah blah blah, well it was me. And A's blog. He has a friend who always comments and she leaves things that make me question him, I dont like that at all about myself, BUT I CANT HELP IT!!!! When she writes things like "..you dont know how many times Ive heard him refer to himself as blah blah blah" Would that NOT make you think she knows him...like KNOWS him knows him? And he tells me they only know each other from some trivia thing. Ok. I HAVE to trust him because I love him. So THIS is going to be my venting! I promised I wouldnt go nutso on him about it. He said she is his friend, I am his love. I get that. But but but....the comments drive me insane!! ONLY because of the unknown, the not being able to look him in the eyes. THE FUCKING UNKNOWN!!!!!! Ughh.

Ok, I feel better now :)

Snooze

I hit snooze today, for some reason, even though I got MORE sleep, im MORE tired. Gotta love it. This week we should be getting the tickets for A's visit in December. ....so I am told. Its always "next week" so I have reason to be skeptical, but Im going to think positively, and hope this is really happening. If not Im really not so sure how Im going to feel. BUT im going to have faith and trust in him, and that is important to me right now. Im not always good at that. Soooo we have heard me talk about him forever, let me give you some input as to who he is (well not really, but a summary) and how I know him and what he is to me. It is, yes, another of those dreaded online meetings. I know what people say and think about them, but I have never been happier, so fuck you all :)

I actually met him playing an online game, very odd. Mostly because it wasn't something "normal" for me to do...I had lost someone close and was having a hard time going out and doing the things I normally did, so my brother had me play and it ended up being a lot of fun! Soooooo I met him on this game, and New Years Eve got wasted and talked to him a small bit and a few days later he messaged me and we started talking more. Of course not hot and heavy right away, but we have so much in common we would talk forever. It turned into phone calls, talking on a voice chat online, and pictures and things sent in the mail back and forth and so so so much more. Turned into what it is now. Someone I know in my heart I will be with for a long time. BUT....Here is the kicker. He lives in Italy, soooooo this year, in December he is coming here, for the year anniversary of when we met. And from there...We will see where we go. Crazy you say? Yeah, maybe. But I completely adore him, STILL after a year, and need to know where it is going....

I Give Up

Well, today is Friday. Not much more to say.
WOHOOOOOOO!
That about sums it up.


~


Do you hear me?
Do you know that I sometimes speak out loud
Your name
Questions I still want you to answer
Answers to questions I never finished telling you.

Do you see me
Looking towards the sky
wondering where, why, how
thinking MAYBE you can still hear me
Saying im sorry
Telling you I still love you.

Do you remember me.
Im working on it.
On not forgetting you.

In Queue

So I miss blogging. Ive decided to try and make it a part of my day again. I was getting all wrapped up in junk, and finding myself alot more stressed than I used to be...wanna know why? Cause before I threw it all on here. Not all building up in my head. Now....building up in my head. Yuck.

So...I was thinking about how I used to think I was somewhat creative, I used to paint and make things out of nothing, when I was in my 20s people used to come over to my house and love all of the ecclectic hodgepodge missmatched things I had. Of course, that was in my 20s. Now my hand painted dining table, and paint strewn canvases just dont seem "up to par" with the people my age and around me. Of course they have families and have the "child proof" fabrics and "easy to clean" surfaces. BUT, it all still looks so much more.....mature?? than my own decor. I love it, its what im comfortable with, but....is it ok? Or am I living in the past and need to move into the future with more contemporary things? I just dont know. I guess as long as im happy in my surroundings I shouldnt really care what other people think, like when I have friends stop by and they say "how cute" (I HATE the word cute) I should just blow it off and just smile and nod. Smile and nod. Smile and nod.

Anyone have any tips on dropping some lbs. I want to drop em by xmas and need some ideas!~ Hellllllp.

and, lastly, red and yellow for my bathroom or red and purple? Is red and purple too brothel like? I really like them together, or red (which is more rusty red) purple AND yellow? Thoughts? Ideas?

After Birthday Bash

So Friday im having an After Birthday Bash, all of my closest friends are coming over to celebrate with me. I havent gotten drunk in about two months, should be interesting, im not planning on leaving my house, so I AM planning on drinking! Maybe Ill take some That Girl queues and do some drunk blogging! Or maybe have the whole party blog that night on here, we shall see!

Its been a strange week, I have been sick and just blahish, I hate that. I went to bed last night and for the first time in awhile thought about Led. I missed him last night alot, just had it in my head I wanted to call and talk to him, about something stupid, or to have him come over and watch a dumb movie with me. Then I thought about the fact that I can never do that again. I havent really thought about it in so long. Ive had so much help getting over it. But now Im thinking did I get over it or am I starting to forget him. I dont want to forget him. So, tonight Im going to go through some past letters and things and remember for awhile, even if it makes me sad, I want to remember for a bit. This time of year is always hard, my birthday and his were a month apart and we would celebrate the whole month. One year I remember he didnt realize it was my birthday, stopped at a gas station and bought about 20 of those single wrapped red roses for me. I know that sounds dumb, but thats one of those things you just remember.

You would have been 31 next month :) Ill light a candle for you and wish you a happy birthday.

Happy Birthday To Me

It was all in all a good day. I got to spend time with the people I love and that made it an AMAZING day. From A I got the most amazing bouquet of flowers, every kind of flower I could imagine, an espresso maker from Italy and some Italian coffee. And best of all...he got his passport. That is the best present by far.

Ok...question of the day!

I have a friend who is nervous about his girlfriend having a blog and having only one guy who responds to her and back and forth, vice versa, all day long while he is at work. There seems to be more, like he says they talk online as well, not just on the blog. She says it is a friend and to just drop it. I dont know what to tell him...in my opinion she should have told him about it, like in their daily conversations, but he said she NEVER brought him up once, so I told him that was probably reason to be a little threatened by it. So instead of just making him sound crazy for thinking it may be something to worry about that maybe she should put herself in his shoes..., but I know how things can get when you spend alot of time online with the same person, so I told him he should let her know it makes him uncomfortable, so that is just my opinion....any additional thoughts??

And back to me ( my blog, it should be all about me dammit!) I am DONE with one of my classes and got an A!! It was my accelerated class, so I had to cram so much shit in my brain in only 6 weeks, but it was worth it, Ill definately take more classes like that!!!